Marriage

I dont even remember when I blogged last. It was probably in 2012 when i was struggling to get my start up going and had more free time to write than to actually work on something productive. But today I am different. The last one year has been different. I have grown a home based company into a rented office with 6 employees and work keeps me so busy that writing for leisure is a luxury I cannot afford (except of course posting that facebook status or retweeting that funny one-liner).

My life has changed in the last one year. When you build a team you learn a lot of things - you learn how to manage and deal with people & situations, you learn a thing or two about controlling your emotions, you become used to living with a constant pressure to do more and satisfy everyone, you also learn a few things about managing finances, and so much more. I have learnt all this. Made mistakes and learnt, actually. All of it has made me stronger. But not strong enough for the next battle of my life.

I am getting married in less than 45 days from now. With the girl i have been dating for the last almost 8 years. And yet, I am shit scared!

There are a lot of reasons for it. Most are in my mind and some are probably real.

I am nervous because marriage demands responsibility. It is not the same responsibility as running a business. No. It is completely different. I can stop my business and start a new one within an year. But I can't just stop being responsible for my family and get a new one! So i need to deal with it and I need to start feeling that responsibility.

Expectations. My wife will expect things from me. So will my mom. So will my wife's mom and her dad. And my dad. And my friends. and my siblings. Every person who has gotten my attention will now get less of it and everyone for whom I did not care till now, will demand more of it. And I have to keep everyone happy.

Money. Yes, money matters will become complex. My wife is earning, I am earning. She has to take care of her family, I have to take care of mine and we both have to take care of ourselves and our future.

My best friend

Life is hard and life has no meaning. For if it had, then my best friend - the only person i feel closest to, the person who i can share absolutely any thing in the world, and the only person who never judges me but lets me be, Amit, would not be perpetually about 9000 miles away from me. Because when i feel lonely and when i feel like going out with someone and taking a hike to god knows where, i just can't.

It's only a phone which connects us and an occasional trip he makes to India from the US every 2 years that we meet. and how time flies by then! The countless friends i have here in Delhi and no one is closest to being my best friend. What an illogical life.

I feel alone :(

Thoughts on a rainy day

as opposed to western civilizations, India is backward. No I am not talking about our culture or traditions. They stay in the right place. I am talking about the spirit of exploration, science, tolerance and seeing beyond ourselves.

we hardly care for the environment. No respect for any other form of living existence than us. We only take from the society without the slightest wish to give back. We do not serve, we fight a lot, our egos are bloated beyond capacity and the slightest provocation brings out the satan inside of us. We are probably the worst form of living existence to say the least. We feed on intolerance and pride and we hate/kill people who try to reform us. 

we do not welcome change easily and are averse to any form of exploration. Our idea of a holiday is perhaps relaxing in our rooms with the television playing songs and we eating snackers. We work hard with our jobs and party harder too. But is that all about it? Mon to Fri grinding in the office with no respect to the global working duration (well we Indians work as slaves, without a doubt), Sat and Sunday partying with alchohol and loud music. Gosh that sucks!

when do we learn to explore the world around us? There is so much hidden to our eyes. So many things we can learn. How many of us indulge in outdoor activities, some form of recreation (which is not movies or shopping or mall visiting)? How many of us can play an instrument or speak a foreign language? How many of us went on a hike or camping recently? Alright chuck all that, how many of us even played carrom recently (everyone loves carrom now, comeon!) Even if you talk of indoors, how many of us have taken up reading as a part time or as a bed time story? 

Are we going to be a generation who spend their life staring at screens and projections leaving the world as it is, without any disruption? 

The thought scares me. We need to explore. We must. Explore the world around us and see as much as we can. Learn, unlearn and then learn again. Let us feed on nature for a while and on things not seen, heard or done. Life would be much beautiful then.

Let us start from me...

Life and its strange ways

Another of those beautiful days which ended like a dream should. I came back happy, more like grinning end to end. and yet with an emptiness. I wanted to say it and yet I couldn't. Something is not going right with my life. 

The trouble with life is when you want something, you'll never get it and when you least expect it, there it is - all yours for the taking. I hate this kind of life. 

Life should be simple, not a game of choices where you miss one chance and regret for the rest of your life. I hope I don't regret anything. At least I don't.

The trip that has become legendary

To my bros,

It is only now that the realization of our trip being over has sunk in. and i feel terrible. Of course it had to end, and of course we did all that we had to. There was not much left to be done now, was there? Lets be honest, we never went for scuba diving and banana rides anyways! We went to take a break. and we went because all of us were reuniting - probably for one last time.

But the realization that we won't get to be together for sometime now is making me feel terrible. This trip was the best not because of the things that we did, but because it was with you all. The six of us, completely different thinking individuals sticking together for 4 entire days made this trip awesome. We all never agreed on anything, did we? But conflicting thoughts have always led to new discoveries, which is what we did. We discovered a new layer to our friendship. From Khao San to Walking Street to Starbucks, every moment rocked because of all of you.

I have been the best of friends with gaurav and nipun since college. This time I discovered a new bond with Amber. and all thanks to the 2 nights we slept together. (one of the reasons i wanted each of us to swap rooms every night was for this bonding to happen). I am sure Aman hates lakhot a little less now :P and I am sure Gaurav and Nipun know each other a lot better.

Amber is the coolest guy to hang with and I wouldn't have known that if this trip hadn't happened. Aman became my closest thinking partner throughout and this trip would've been incomplete without him. I have always hated lakhot, and this trip made me realize how less that was! I should've pushed him off the motor boat when i had the chance. Damn!! but seriously, lakhot is the coolest guy to be with in a trip. The guy never says no to anything! How awesome is that!! Gaurav, you made this trip a reality and the gods of friendship will bless you for that bro :) lakhot and gaurav, you two have the biggest of hearts bros. Stay that way (and don't ask for the money I owe you :P). and Nipun bro, you always do those last minute awesome thinkings which lead us to some pretty amazing doings. and then you do those other last minute things which delay us :) ha ha! but then, it makes every trip fun when we look back. 

I am going to miss you all dudes. Terribly. More trips await us. Together. Lets just hope we stick together for the rest of our lives, with or without our wives :)

That moment

That beautiful moment, when you are staring at the girl you are mad about and she turns around, looks at you and gives you that killing smile. There goes my heart..:)

Good day

I have stopped blogging these days, but today I had a wonderful day and so I shall write.


I didn't go to office today as I had a meeting with a corporate in Saket. Got through with it by 1 and then wandered aimlessly in the Select City Walk mall while eating a delicious butter scotch cup! I then left for Adhchini to meet a friend at his house. Killed time for a few hours and left at 4. As I left, i received an unexpected payment from an unexpected client :) 


Luckily, earlier in the day Maulein had messaged me, and so I had already decided to leave early so that we could meet. For starters, Maulein was one of the dearest friends I made at Aricent - my first job. (ref: the post I wrote when she left). She got married in Dec 2009 and we had not met since then. Until today. After 2 and a half years!!


She was radiant as ever, fluffy as ever :P and she was charming as ever :) I felt so awkward meeting her after so many years. Didn't know how to meet her, what to say. But then with such good friends, there is never any awkwardness :) She came to meet me at the metro station and we clapped our hands just like old times :D The next 2 hours, we just talked. Like we had never separated! It was so awesome. When we left, i luckily met Varun (her husband and our Aricent mate) and we talked more. Finally i left for home. 
I wonder when i'll see her again. I hope soon. 


But this meeting made my day. I was really happy. I then caught the metro and came back home. Even happier :) Then, went out with Kunal and discussed crap while the weather turned awesome after a hot-as-hell day! Then me and my sisters had dinner together while we watched an old classic - Naseeb, and now I am going to sleep :)

Love again

I have fallen in love with her again. I am a selfish man and I fall for beauty. I will look at every beautiful girl who passes by me (well I am a man!). But not anymore. I don't know what she has done to herself, but everytime I see her I fall head over heels. These days I just look at the pretty faces in the crowd and reject them thinking, "naah, not even close to her!"


Last thursday I called her to my office. She refused and I fought. She does these silly things and is almost always illogical. I hate it. But then she made up for it. She did come and as soon as she entered, I lost my breath. I knew people around would stare at her. I wanted everyone to. "She's MY girlfriend".


I don't know what it is. Sometimes I want to write a book on her. but the very next moment we fight. I never get to go out with her. I really want to, and this angers me more than anything. But I am sure her reasons are valid. I hope things change soon. She stays very stressed sometimes and I know she needs my support. But she never says it. and she never tells me if she is bothered by something. Always keeps it inside her. and that makes me want to be with her even more. 


These days I just keep looking at her pictures and keep waiting for the moment we meet. We don't talk much on the phone too. It is just that brief period I spend with her that makes my day. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we just listen to songs. Sometimes we fight and leave! But I love her. I always have. For what she is, for what I am when I am with her. 


I just can't wait to meet her soon.