and those were the bestest days of my life..

call it the 3 idiots effect or whatever, but right now i am nostalgic. friendship is the greatest treasure a man can have. dosti insaan ka sabse bada stan hai. :P yesterday i watched 3 idiots and went back 6 years in time. and today, absolutely coincidentally, i met 2 of my hostel buddies..and spent another memorable evening in the company of old friends.

DCE. 2003-2007. those were days. the days of sunlight and the days of rain. the nights of stars and the nights of pain (:P) how clearly i remember almost my whole college life. be it the dosas of my canteen or the photostats of roopali's notes. amit's samosa treats or lakhot's empty stomach. everything. almost everything. and to think its all over, is unthinkable!
i still remember my first day. my first sem. with romit, nitin and sushil. the 'leesure' days. when we all found each other.

my second sem. the days of playing volleyball and cricket. finding rivals and friends. amit's proposal and toilet stunts. the professor chasing us. and we losing our beloved volleyball!

the third sem at gaurav's room - BMH 116 (?). the days of studying graphics and the evenings of playing badminton. the times when i lived in the hostel for the first time (be it only for the nights!). the times when me amit and gaurav would lock ourselves in his room so that others could not find us. the times of fests. be it LH or miranda - we were everywhere! the times when nipun got a date and in that jaundice, i got a cellphone :P. the times when i screwed up my result for the first time.

my fourth sem when i posed as a model and walked the ramp with my college crush! the time when we went for an outstation trip to vaishno devi for the first time. the time when i became noticeable. and the time when i screwed up my result for the second time!

fifth sem. my association with sumit. the training at niscair. the fake projects. the time when i nearly topped my class (got a whopping 79%) and nearly gave romit a heart attack! (as they said, dost fail ho to bura lage..dost top kare to sala aur bhi bura lage!! :D) the times of csi revivals. when we gave csi a new life and still failed to elect a president from among ourselves. the times when i realised how divided we were. and the times when i was thrown out of a class report team by my own friends. (but ended up getting more marks than them :D).

the sixth sem. of hostel days, endless nights and countless bunks. when me and amit found aswal and his room. sleep wherever you find place, do whatever you want to, watch friends, movies, whatever..just DON'T go home! the nights of bits and bytes and b-plans. the nights of 1 bed, 3 people, 1000 mosquitos and a blood sucking lakhotia! the days of my training at TCIL. the days of cricket again. and the days when me nitin and shanti founded the R gang!

the seventh sem. the dreadful times of placements. the heartbreaks. the depressions. the failures. and more failures. the times when i smoked my first cigarette! and the times when i finally got my first job! and my first girlfriend. and then again, the times when i screwed up my result so bad for the third time!

and then the eighth sem. the time we went to simla. the trip which, till date, remains the most amazing trip of my life. the time when i literally stopped going to college. and the times when i screwed up the most important interview of my life. the time when i stopped realising what friendship is and the time when i stopped appearing in college photographs! and by the time i tried to make it up, it was too late. the time when everything started to make sense finally. and the time when i realised, that college was over! :(

UNACK mode!!!

the biggest disappointment in life is not failure. it is when you are not acknowledged. an acknowledgment only means an act of realizing something. it is not judgmental. when you acknowledge you only realise that something has happened. whether it is good or bad is not the concern. so when you acknowledge an act, it doesn't mean you praise or thank; its an "i see you" kind of a thing. like i know what ur doing or what ur upto. its more like an act of getting noticed.

so when u keep slogging your ass to pass that exam or to get that promotion or to get that girl even, a simple acknowledgment does wonders. atleast ur being noticed. who would want to dress up well in a jungle void of any people! its the same thing. who would want to slog if there is noone noticing.

and so it applies to you as well. start noticing. there are people around you doing things. start giving them the acknowledgment that is due!

sweet november

when i entered my second project and was allotted a seat at the new office, i was cursing the whole situation. i had already refused to go to the interview once before (one reason was the fear of yet another failure and second was the fear of stop using the company bus!). but i went and got selected. i had begun to hate my manager from the very first day and after similar experiences in previous project, i realised all managers are made of horse shit. later, though, i was to realise that this manager was a little different. he was made of some terrible mixture of pig, dog and horse shit, garnished with swine eggs. anyways, came Oct14 and i almost resigned. and i could not believe that i was doing it cz of this swine. i had always thought that noone could make you do anything unless u were willing urself. but i guess, the fear of setting things straight with my career and not screwing up unless i got my rating was making things hell for me. and then to make matters worse, lakhot resigned. man..how badly i wanted to follow in his footsteps and press that button only i know. but, i controlled. planned. timed.

exactly, 21 days later, i left. for a month.

and in that one month..i rediscovered myself. calmed down. re-planned. and to my utter surprise, for once, i became happy! i had simply forgotten what this word meant. 2 days after i left, i joined the Art of Living. another thing, i never expected myself to do. but all thanks to a pestering, i did. and boy, wasn't that the most delightful and amazing start to my break. it just changed me. the calm it brought me, the level of freedom it took me to, it was heavenly. for the first time, the world stopped mattering. i just couldn't care less! what followed in the next 3 weeks, were the effects of this operation i underwent.

i came closer to the people to whom i mattered. got involved in the affairs of those around me. and after a long time, instead of cribbing, i began talking..and how! and all this because i was far far away from the place i hated. and because i was finally finding time for my self. and i was enjoying every single bit of this not-doing-anything-ness. but yet, i was doing so much.

i'm back to the same old life now. the cribbing might slowly begin soon. or it might not ever. time and the degree of my transformation will tell. but i only wish to live that month again. me with only myself. and the sweet november of 2009.

what the fu*k :(

i thought i had outgrown my cricket fever days. until today. india lost chasing australia's score of 349. by 3 runs.

i remember how i started watching cricket. playing was always a passion. but watching the game began with the 1996 cricket world cup. the first match i saw was india vs pakistan. jadeja -waqar. prasad - sohail. man! i still remember it. i was in the 6th std then. the very next match - india vs sri lanka. kambli, sachin, crowd going mad, play called off, tears. wow. my days of getting hooked on to cricket had started. it was more exciting than playing! over the years i realised why india is so obsessed with the game. year after year, matches got closer and closer. down to the wire as they used to say. india vs pakistan again. 1998 (8th std). dhaka. 315 to win. bad light. azhar insists on playing. saurav scores 124. need 18 to win of last 9. i'm praying. tears rolling down my cheeks. "god please have india win. i wont ever ask you for anything else." and kanitkar hits saqlain for 4. boy, didnt i cry that day. rushed down to my bro. hugged him and we celebrated like hell. it was diwali in january. few months later it was sharjah. sachin vs autralia. awesome. 2002 natwest series final. lords. 326 to win. the same prayers repeated. india wins. come down to 2003. world cup. india beats the shit out of england, thrashes pakistan. sachin is god.

many more years and many more matches later. sachin is still god. immortal. nearly chases down australia's 350. ALONE. makes an impeccable, classy, super sexy 175 off only 140 balls. no other batsman supports him except raina. india loses by 3 runs. :(

not a big deal huh? yes. you win some you lose some. but when u have the kind of indians around, i'd rather make a big fuss out of it. let me start with the biggest motherfucking sob dhoni. the guy had already lost the match in his head. so the super awesome effort by tendulkar didnt even matter to him. and when he came to the presentation he was rather happy looking! the bastard didnt even acknowledge sachin's innings. even ponting did! but our MSOB dhoni thought harbhajan was the hero of the day. fucker. the second sob is ashish nehra. he has the attitude man. wow. the asshole thinks he is the master of the universe whether he is batting or bowling. i think its the same with all delhi guys. kohli, nehra and even ishant now. these idiots should be thrown out of the team and asked to learn some humility. and then arun lal. i am a fan of his now. when a batsman, sachin, scores 175, bats for nearly 50 overs and sees his team lose, what question do you ask him? "sachin what drives you to play even at this age. what is your secret?" wtf is that supposed to mean?! i mean spare a thought for the guy. he must be close to tears. all effort literally wasted. out of 10 people not even 1 could support him. and what do you do. you give him a bike's key and ask him his secret?! limit!

these are the kind of people who never actually grow up and never actually want to win. and would never want anyone else win either. but sachin is here to stay. you cant take him. he is the GOD. among the dogs.

social medicine?

okay alchohol gives you a high. no doubt. but then whats the point of doing something wild when you cannot even remember it afterwards!
pepsi and coca cola might be nothing more than sweetened waters but then what is alchohol? absolutely bitter tasting ecstasy?

alchoholic drinks are the worst way to spend your money. i have friends, who wouldn't take out 10 bucks for a parking ticket let alone 1000 for the shared bill, but would go to the most expensive 'eating' restaurant there is and then order drinks rather than food. why? because they want to show that they can drink.

rule #1. if you really think drinking gives you a high and really want to experience it, go to the wine n beer shop (read theka), grab that fav drink of yours and have it. at 1/4th the cost!

and then they would drink that ONE peg..just one mind you..'hold it' for the rest of the party and go home! wtf! whoever said one shot gives you a high. it doesnt. but you have to sit in that swanky place and order 'alchohol'. and why no second peg? Dude, cz its too costly! remember 10 bucks? :)

rule #2. if you really want to get a high at a bargain, go to that wine n beer shop again and get your fav drink. at 1/4th the cost!
catch: you won't be able to show off!

and also another pint is way over 'my capacity dude'!
so there are things that go down with alchohol. peanuts and gossips are the two most noteworthy. after 3-4 drinks (varying on the volume of your tanker), things usually come up. in the form of slime and peanuts and everything that you've been eating for the past 6 hrs.

rule #3. drink on an empty stomach to avoid vomiting.

rule #4. drink according to your capacity. not to your neigbour's!

but why do you need alchohol to hold down a conversation? i just cannot apply any logic. in fact it is senseless. but then it is that unsaid rule. you want to get close to your boss's ass, get him to a daaru party. you want to strike a business deal, daaru party (no deals were struck drinking coca cola!). fuck man, you want to get laid, alchohol is the word! (but then there it actually makes a lot of sense, doesnt it? :D)

rule #5. if you really want to get laid, offer the appropriate drink to the girl next to you in the bar. how do i knw it? ur guess!

okay. so why do you want to get that high afterall? why do business deals strike well over a fucking glass of whiskey? why is champagne opened for celebrations? there has got to be something that i am missing. atleast one thing is for sure. drink if you do not want to be a social outcast. its like that. whether you like it or not. that bitter tasting thin coloured film like liquid that burns your throat and spins your head and makes you vomit - Thats the social medicine.
and its not even a manly thing anymore. women drink as much as men do.

rule #6. vodka is for ladies btw (undebatable!).

so very soon we might actually be having only two kinds of people in the world. ya u guessed it. people who take this medicine and people who do not. people who take it - you already have the world with you. you just have to bring it to your feet. for people who do not - its going to be a lot and lot of hard work.

P.S. nothing personal

mis mejores amigos

yaaro dosti badi hi haseen hai

ye na ho to bolo kya hai zindagi hai

i thrive on my friends. without them my life is incomplete. my idea of a perfect day would be one which ends with a nights drive with friends to any place. a cup of coffee, a beer or a hookah - anything will do. and lots n lots of bakwaas. abt cars careers trips and plans and ofcourse girls. when friends meet, magic happens. truly.

i was never like this before. infact i had started believing that people make friends only to serve their own ends. to quote chanakya "There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship without self-interests. This is a bitter truth".

the truth in fact as i realised, is farther from it. true, your best friends can only be tested in times of adversity but friends you make not to wait for those times. they are there to have fun. to talk to when u really need somebody. to scold you and to pamper you. to help you squander your money and to help them waste theirs. to ruin your health and help them ruin theirs. to help u get in trouble and then to bail you out. to actually fuck life.....together :)

As someone sometime said "An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body". Friends will walk in while the rest of the world is walking out. :)

progenitor dillema resolved

all good things in life must not be savored. the more incomplete the fulfilling is the more want for it is created and the more you want to run after something the better your life becomes, the happier, more excited you get.

simple rule. you dont have to apply it. it'll apply on its own. just observe. and apply it will to anything. games, work, girls, food, cars, anything!
the game you're playing gets over. the girl you are chasing, agrees! the chocolate pie you've been wanting to eat for so long, you finally get to eat it. now what. its over! its like a dog. it chases a car. thats its life. what if the car stops? well, he turns around and runs after another.
that chocolate pie is your dream perhaps. and you can spend your whole life running behind that dream. what will you be doing once you get it? relax? then why don't you relax now? i don't know where this piece is heading but one thing is for sure. we live that dog kind of life.

if we ever had any animal ancestors it were dogs and not monkeys. just look at yourself. there is no monkeylike thing in us. we dont even have a red butt. we live that dog kind of life. monkeys help each other when in distress. dogs? dogs stare. and keep staring. they cannot help. thats what humans do. and i dn know about monkeys but you think dogs are faithful? they are the most promiscuous of the animals. they are not faithful. they are faithful to their masters. only to them. can you get the similarity now? are you faithful? to whom?

shit happens!

so the other day i went to watch a play. an aptly titled play! this was the first time i was watching a play. the tickets were on me and i think none of us was actually in a mood to go. so i really hoped the play wud better be good. and by god wasn't i delighted! the play was awesome. beyond my imagination. after 1.5 hrs my mouth was literally paining cz of all the laughs. i jumped in my seat, clapped loud, laughed like anything and gasped at the sheer holy god amazingness of the act. shit happens was shitty. full of chaos, drama, confusion, item numbers, 20 year olds, 50 year olds and some serious hilarious shit! n all in just 1.5 hrs. no intermission. wow.

movies suck. trust me. they are fake. plays? plays rock. no makeup. pure acting. no breaks. just you and the audience. audience is involved in the act. we dont just sit around and see! we participate. atleast react. even with the chaos that was created on stage that day, i was awestruck by the talent of the cast, their acting, remembering those loooooong dialogues and delivering them with such panache. it was awesome. you cannot find this in the movies. movies are unreal. they create a world which is not there. plays keep you grounded where you are. and expose you to the real life. it might be funny at times and sad at others. nevertheless it is real. movies are just so perfect you know. everything is in place. no flaws. plays? well plays are still better. cz in theatre, as in real life, shit happens!

chain reaction

saxo triggered it..nagar put in some more electrodes and it started. friends began to part. maulein followed soon and now me and nischal. its like we were put in this place for 2 years to find all the friends we could cz after that we were going to move away. now ive moved away frm 2 of my best buddies who're still there. vershney dude i'm going to miss u buddy. i had never, in my wildest dreams, imagined that i would find 3 dogs just like me, that too in my job! saxo deepak and vershney. kaminey!

after saxo and deepak, vershney was the only partner i got. similar tastes similar reactions similar everythings. i'm sure our undies would be similar! its like we were bros who got lost in some -ya, you know it - mela and met after 23 years. huffing and puffing we would run behind 'cars', party and fuck life. the only thing he was, left of this quicksand full of pigs who were ready to drown in it and pull anyone coming close. but even i had no other option but to leave this hole. i didnt want to drown. vershney buddy, you dont need to either. get out of it, you've held longer than required. and so does my other friend. get a life both of you. there is a better world outside of here. stop making yourself realise that the work is good. it is not! look at people half talented earning 10times as you. fuck the promotion. MONEY is everything - THAT is the reality. get some man.

atleast i wanto. i am not going to think about frnds now. not anymore. i found who all i had to. it has to be MY life now. i'll live hw i wanto. and i''ll do what i wanto. afterall, i aint gonna live forever.

its a french flower, isn't it?

these are the worst days. one by one my friends just keep going away. and sometimes you don't realise the importance of people until they're gone. today i realised maulein's. 4by4 i used to call her or momo (short for ??) or just oye (no name required. i'd shout oye in the middle of the road and she would know!). when she told me that she was leaving i was literally ecstatic. when someone leaves the kind of shit we are into, it gives u a strange sort of happiness..as if its u who is leaving! 7 days later, i'm writing this post. i write when i am sad :(

i can recall every moment we shared together. started from our training. oasis. we were in the same project. maulein. what a strange name. who names their daughter maulein?! before office i'd never had a female aquaintance, let alone friend. and my first impression of this girl was fearful. i saw her as a sardarni who would gobble me up the moment i opened my mouth to utter a word! i was so scared to talk to her. but she was so cool! still i kept my apprehensions and my distance. why take a chance!

after the project we got inducted to the same project again. and thats when we developed some friendship. who says girls and guys cannot be good friends..they can be awesome! over the two years with maulein i have developed a friendship i could only have imagined. in her i always saw that elder sister who could compose me when i was angry and irritated, who could guide me when i was lost and who could encourage me when i was raring to go. over time she became what i call my 'crib' buddy. i would go to her seat and crib about evrything bothering me. the project, the team, the people. and she would listen. i would irritate her and pester her. and she would listen. fat as we both are (she is fatter), we used to go for evening walks. climbing 2 floors of stairs twice every evening! i'm going to miss those talks and those walks. and i'm going to miss her like hell. she made these 2 years bearable, in the literal sense of that word.

now that she's gone, i dn knw whats going to happen tomorrow. vershney and tulsi..u two better stay put.

a beginner once again?

in a matter of just 2 days, my life's suddenly turned upside down. and how! i'm losing my job. my best friend's gone. and i have no clue about what am i going to do with my life.

attitude problems he cited. my manager. and there was that little feeling of pride i got. "never bent in front of anyone" i said. and i got a bro-clap from saxo. and thats wat led to the expulsion. perhaps this was necessary. otherwise i would've been stuck at this place forever. well one thing is for sure..that my job sucks. i hate going to the place everyday. the work is aweful and so are the people.

so in a way its good it happened. but i always thought i had a plan b ready. incase something of this sort happened. successful people always have. now that its time to implement it, somehow i have lost my guts! i never want to do a technical monotonous job. naah. i'm not made for it. and i really can't take orders man. not from anyone. i dn listen to my dad, how the hell can i listen to my boss..! and who made him my boss anyways..

still, till the time i get my guts together to take some big risk with my life and do wat i truly want to..i'll have to do that. if not here then maybe somewhere else. but atleast the work be good.

2 good friends will also lose their job like me in a matter of 2 months. shamefully, i'm glad that i'm not the only one. but they surely deserved better. much better than this.

thursday sucked so much. got the news of my NR. then 3 friends. all unhappy with their ratings. and it was saxo's second last day in office. and friday he was gone. man i'm going to miss him. if theres one thing i have loved about this sucking place it's that it gave me friends for life. Best Friends. friends who i can count on and who can count on me. deepak, saxo, vershney, tulsi, maulein and nischal. for them this pace was worth the sucking. with deepak and saxo not here now..i dn wanto be here anyways.

my guts want me to start something. something with my life. i dn wanto live a cubicle life anymore. now that its coming to an end maybe another door is opening. i am a beginner once again!

random thoughts

Hurray for a child
That makes it through
If there's any way
Because the answer lies in you

They're laid to rest
Before they know just what to do
Their souls are lost
Because they
could never find

What's this life for

we don't live for ourselves. infact we stop doing that the moment we're born. its either somebody else's wishes which guide our actions and thoughts or it is peer pressure. accept it or not, we all fall into that trap (peer pressure) more often than we know.

atleast it is true for me. i want to run away from all this. god only knows how many things i hate about the world around me right now. and i cannot do anything about it. every single day i put myself through the same old shit again n again. i'm getting sucked into this spiral of life.

love is the most beautiful feeling in the world. but only in the nascent stages. because after that what replaces love are possessiveness, mistrust (and later distrust), expectations and sometimes boredom. and the thing which kills this beautiful feeling most is expectation. the expectation of response. Someone's said, "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." then why the fucking expectation? because of the fear. the paranoia. that whom you love so much may not love you the same way now! which is false in most cases. still the expectations remain. and love is lost.

the world is full of sham and pretence. and somehow it is the people who fake the most are loved the most. i know of many. and at times it becomes difficult for you to live without that pretending you know. it sucks. why can't everything be straightforward.

why me and she click!

its going to be 3 years soon. we're still together. and loving it. we've grown up. become mature. become ambitious. we know the importance of our careers now. and we know each others place in our lives. what we need now is a stable job..a steady career.

but why do we click? i don't have a definite answer.

she's not my type. neither am i hers. leos and aquarians don't match. not at a physical level, not at the mental one.

i always liked girls with long hair. she has always had them short. girls with big eyes. she has small. fair girls? she is dusky. tall girls. she is. somewhat. she is not the aishwarya rai i wanted my girlfriend to be. neither am i the shah rukh khan she wanted her guy to be. i dont boast of a great physique (infact i'm somewhat fat!). my hairs in a mess always.

at the other level, i've screwed up things between us so many times that any other girl would have left me there and then! i am the most immoral and unethical person in the world. i lie, cheat (though never steal) when i want to. she is the goddess of ethics. she cannot lie (ever). and forget about cheating. i'd always have a 1000 ways to bend the rules and screw up the ethics..she wouldn't listen to one of them! i am a movie buff. she hates movies. i have scores of best friends to go out with and i love doing that. she has her only best friend in me (though i absolutely love that). she is a family person. i try to run away from all my family dramas as far as possible. i HATE girls (almost all of them, apart from the two others i can call my friends). she has more male friends than female ones! (and i hate that). she is an epitome of confidence. i am at the nadir, always.

then why!? Opposites attract, i guess!

well, maybe because we're equally dumb! we are intelligent when we have to be. at all other times, we are dumb. we act foolishly. we goofup equally bad. we both forget things (well i guess thats more with me than her). we both are equally rude when angry (she's more than me!!!). we both NEVER look good together in ANY photograph! so theres no competetion. and we both have a good command over english and we like that in each other (though she is better than me).

end of similarities!

i guess we both are perfectly imperfect. but in that imperfection we have found the perfect love for each other.

the ultimate truth

Perhaps there is just one truth. the ultimate one. death. is there anything more certain than that? by god i wish there was. its like the culmination of whatever you've done, whatever you've achieved, whatever you were or whatever you wanted to be. it all ends there.

i'm tempted to think what death is like..and a chill runs down my spine. i cry. i dont wanto die. nobody does. but then, thats the inevitable for you. tell me, what happens when we sleep. is it not what death must be like? unconscious and unaware. just lying down there. dreaming about somethings, fantasies or real people. but everythings far from the truth. and then waking up with no idea what happened in the past 6hrs. for more than 1/4th of the day, we actually die..everyday!

and then life gives us a second chance. everyday. what for? to make ammends. yes. am i discovering a philosopher in me. don't know but it sure sounds nice. we wake up everyday from that state of half-death and then live the next 3/4th to make the same mistakes again! surely sounds foolish. and by the time we realise this fact its already too late. on the final bed.

perhaps i should start making my ammends. "Be the change you want others to be". i start tomorrow. right now, its time to sleep.