a beginner once again?

in a matter of just 2 days, my life's suddenly turned upside down. and how! i'm losing my job. my best friend's gone. and i have no clue about what am i going to do with my life.

attitude problems he cited. my manager. and there was that little feeling of pride i got. "never bent in front of anyone" i said. and i got a bro-clap from saxo. and thats wat led to the expulsion. perhaps this was necessary. otherwise i would've been stuck at this place forever. well one thing is for sure..that my job sucks. i hate going to the place everyday. the work is aweful and so are the people.

so in a way its good it happened. but i always thought i had a plan b ready. incase something of this sort happened. successful people always have. now that its time to implement it, somehow i have lost my guts! i never want to do a technical monotonous job. naah. i'm not made for it. and i really can't take orders man. not from anyone. i dn listen to my dad, how the hell can i listen to my boss..! and who made him my boss anyways..

still, till the time i get my guts together to take some big risk with my life and do wat i truly want to..i'll have to do that. if not here then maybe somewhere else. but atleast the work be good.

2 good friends will also lose their job like me in a matter of 2 months. shamefully, i'm glad that i'm not the only one. but they surely deserved better. much better than this.

thursday sucked so much. got the news of my NR. then 3 friends. all unhappy with their ratings. and it was saxo's second last day in office. and friday he was gone. man i'm going to miss him. if theres one thing i have loved about this sucking place it's that it gave me friends for life. Best Friends. friends who i can count on and who can count on me. deepak, saxo, vershney, tulsi, maulein and nischal. for them this pace was worth the sucking. with deepak and saxo not here now..i dn wanto be here anyways.

my guts want me to start something. something with my life. i dn wanto live a cubicle life anymore. now that its coming to an end maybe another door is opening. i am a beginner once again!

random thoughts

Hurray for a child
That makes it through
If there's any way
Because the answer lies in you

They're laid to rest
Before they know just what to do
Their souls are lost
Because they
could never find

What's this life for

we don't live for ourselves. infact we stop doing that the moment we're born. its either somebody else's wishes which guide our actions and thoughts or it is peer pressure. accept it or not, we all fall into that trap (peer pressure) more often than we know.

atleast it is true for me. i want to run away from all this. god only knows how many things i hate about the world around me right now. and i cannot do anything about it. every single day i put myself through the same old shit again n again. i'm getting sucked into this spiral of life.

love is the most beautiful feeling in the world. but only in the nascent stages. because after that what replaces love are possessiveness, mistrust (and later distrust), expectations and sometimes boredom. and the thing which kills this beautiful feeling most is expectation. the expectation of response. Someone's said, "If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were." then why the fucking expectation? because of the fear. the paranoia. that whom you love so much may not love you the same way now! which is false in most cases. still the expectations remain. and love is lost.

the world is full of sham and pretence. and somehow it is the people who fake the most are loved the most. i know of many. and at times it becomes difficult for you to live without that pretending you know. it sucks. why can't everything be straightforward.